A couple weeks ago, I had a conversation with my mom about how grad school is treating me, and I admitted to her that even though I am content with where I am in the world, I am not entirely comfortable with the program I am in. I voiced various insecurities to her but also told her I’m not the only one feeling this way. Many of my other graduate friends are facing similar issues, and we all feel like we aren’t good enough to do what we came here to do. A couple hours after talking with her, mom sent me an article that has helped change my perspective of self-doubt.
“I may not feel ready, but I am still worthy of showing up” are the words Rachel Macy Stafford wrote in her article for The Hands Free Revolution.
“…worthy of showing up…”
There have been many times over the past three months I’ve felt unworthy of being in this graduate program. There have been many times when I’ve questioned whether or not I’m cut out for a career in music. There have been many times when I’ve wondered whether or not this is worth the time and effort. But despite these thoughts and questions, I still show up to school every day and try to make the most of the situation I’m in. I still show up.
How many times in our lives do we question the path God has us on? I know I probably question it more than I should. I don’t know the plan God has for me, but Jeremiah 29:11 tells me it is good. I don’t always feel capable of handling the situations I have to face, but Joshua 1:9 says God will go with me and will help me be strong. I know things aren’t going to be easy, but John 14:27 and Psalm 46:1-3 give me hope that I can be content in every circumstance.
Despite the turmoil in my life and the voices of self-doubt and insecurity that scream at me every day, I am still worthy of showing up and trying my best. God can work with that. I know I’m not perfect, but if I hide away and let insecurities keep me from showing up, I’m closing myself off to the potential of being used by God. For all I know, my circumstance, no matter how messy or put together it is, may be exactly what God needs to show His awesome power.
Rachel Macy Stafford ends her article with what she calls a “Facing Fear Manifesto” and it goes like this:
“I believe anything is possible.
I am not tied to any outcome.
My vow is to show up bravely, boldly, flawed and full of hope,
Not when I receive approval
Not when I look a certain way
Not when I have a master plan
Not when I get more courage
Not after I’ve done more research
Not when I’ve gotten therapy for my issues.
I choose to believe I am ready now,
To live the life I’ve been yearning to live,
To make the contribution only I can make.
I choose to believe good things will happen
When I step out in courage and love.”
Anything is possible with courage and love and God. I’m challenging myself to keep showing up and to allow myself to be open to whatever opportunity God gives me. I believe, even though I may not feel ready, I am still worthy of showing up, doing my best, and living the life God has planned for me.
This article has undergone ministry review and approval.