The Goodbye Letters, Part 2.
Dear Depression,
It was just a couple of years ago when I wrote to your other half, Anxiety. But I know how connected the two of you are, and it was only a matter of time before you heard from me too. It’s like you guys just can’t take the hint.
I wish I could say long time no talk, but we’ve been flirting for a while now. Since 2011 to be exact. A whole ten-year relationship I never even asked for. But you just kept insisting, didn’t you?
After all the times I’ve tried to lock you out, you somehow still sneak in. Ready to suck me dry and empty me out till I’ve got nothing left.
I mean, I get it. You feed on my sadness. You’re full when I’m hungry. You’re satisfied when I’m starving for love and for purpose.
Well, find a new diet. Because this is getting old.
I’m sick of this crippling dialogue where you tell me I’m worthless and I just say, “You’re right.” You tell me I’ll never amount to anything and I say, “That’s true.” You tell me there’s no bother dreaming because my future’s looking bleak. And again I say, “Makes sense.”
I could sit here and talk about all the times you’ve brought me down—and oh, how you’ve brought me down. Clawing into my chest, making me walk around like a shell, wondering, “Will I ever feel good again?” I could talk about your conniving little plan to derail my happiness, to keep me stuck, hopeless, and scared. I could talk about how alone I felt, how it seemed like no one understood, and how it just seemed like the end.
But that would give you a big head. So instead, I want to talk about the ways I rose up out of your stifling grip and proceeded to bring YOU down.
Well, there was really only one way. And His name is Jesus Christ. A God whose very specialty is conquering giants like you. A God who sent me more comforters than I can count. A God who led me to the right professional who rewired my brain, gave me a safe space to talk, and a toolbox of ways to cope. In other words, a God who actually cared.
“He turned my mourning into dancing, removed my veil of sadness, and surrounded me with joy.” (Psalm 30:11)
You think I’m sitting here wallowing in sadness for myself, but in reality, I’m sad for you. It must be exhausting stealing people’s joy. I guess it’s true what they say: “Misery loves company.”
It’s not that I don’t ever feel you anymore. I do. I know you’re there, even after seven years of therapy. But the difference between me now and me ten years ago is that I’ve learned to ignore your voice…and zero in on God’s. I’ve learned how to dodge you when you’re coming full-steam ahead. I’ve learned to hand you over to my God instead of trying to defeat you myself (good luck with that, I hear His hands are the strongest). And my favorite? I’ve actually learned to dream.
Let me say it plain and simple: I am not empty. I am not broken. I am not any of the things you’ve told me out of your lying mouth.
What I am is a child of a King who has prepared a feast filled with all the things you starved me of. And that’s more than I can say about you.
Sayonara.
Editor’s Note: If you or a loved one is struggling with depression or anxiety, it is important that you seek professional help if you need it—it does not mean anything is wrong with you. God has created these resources for us. We are also here to provide you with a listening ear, earnest prayer, and a list of resources to help.
This article has undergone ministry review and approval.
Thank you for your honesty. It is both raw and refreshing.
So beautiful, Charity. Thank you for your honesty in crafting such a poignant letter with something that is a struggle for many.
Sis Charity! You never cease to amaze me!! Love you so very much. Thank you for addressing the elephant in the room for soooo many.
Thank you so much for this post! There are MANY that fight these battles daily, me included! But we can be victorious through our awesome God!
God bless you Charity for sharing.
Depression runs in my family & took my mother’s life. It is a very real sickness & great tool the devil loves to use as well as anxiety.
The Lord led me almost 30 years ago to a Christian psychologist.
One of the best investments in myself & praise God has lost its grip.
However, still tries to sneak in & that’s when, like you- I bring in the Lord, go to ministry for prayer & find a friend. Truly appreciate the editors life line also. God bless u all very much for sharing.
Anxiety and Depression are real, and real help is available. As I read how you described Christ’s victory over these two, I couldn’t help but recognize their resemblance to the eternal enemy of righteousness, and have to believe these are tools he uses to keep people bound. The testimony of your battles, and of your (ongoing) victories, gives hope to the hopeless, and is encouraging to all. God bless you, dear sister.
I applaud your courage. Thank you for addressing a subject that it’s so easy for us to turn away from. God bless you for allowing God to use you.
I understand this message because I to have been dealing with my depression and anxiety for many many years. I sought out the professional help I needed and through my Savior Jesus Christ I have been doing well.
The TCOJC Brothers and Sisters are “My Loved Ones” each time one of “My Loved Ones” dies, My hope to see Zion gets a little dimmer. At 80 years old I see more and more of “My Loved Ones” die. My hearing has dimmed but why is Depression knocking on my door sound so loud? 5 years ago my beautiful 26yo Grandson Bro Daniel Severson was suddenly tragically killed, with Jesus’ help I have been holding the door closed, but alas, I am beginning to weaken because the grief and mourning are lasting too long. Both the hope of either heaven or Zion has been too long coming. My “Efforts” to prevent ‘My Hope” from becoming tenuous are weakening.